Could you believe....

"Could you believe in me tonight?"
This is the one sentence that I was asked the other night when I was out with few of my female friends. The reason one of them asked me that was cause I took the liberty of asking one of them why she cheated her boyfriend and went for a one-knight-stand. She was pretty sorrow and sad that she did it, but in the same time she was laughing at some point.
 So why do women cheat? Just cause they think they can get away with it? Bitches please, women can't even lie when they are trying their best. 

 On the other hand, things are going perfectly well at school, getting "5's" all the time, and boy do I enjoy watching "wannabe's" in youngsters. Makes me giggle so badly.

If you watch it closely, you would see how that girl ISN'T beautiful. xD Even pointed out the things that are wrong, and yet half of my friends: "Look at that beauty". Pff, bunch of beta's all around.


 You guys/gals have got to fracking listen to a song called : "Lordi- Get heavy"
That is some really nice song, everyone saying otherwize will get kicked in the nuts hard and many times.

Funny incident in old town.

Well since my life tempo is quite fast I hardly have days that I ever laugh that hard as it happened today. So as I was passing by the old town, a man started to talk with me, by the way he talked and held his books, I knew before he even said anything that its gonna be religious retard trying me to become religious. My first response to his saying were that I'm an atheist, and yet he didn't seem to understand it. As he kept on going I interrupted him and asked him if he knows who Richard Dawkins was. His eyes went big, gasping air and then in a furious voice he told me: "I have no need to talk with you anymore". I fracking laughed so hard, and told him, "Have a nice day to you too sir," and walked away.
I just cannot understand why do those retards tries to force people go into their religion.

On another notice,got my boots finally! Love them so badly, as well it seems every female in tallinn also seems to love them, cause 3/4 of the women can't take their eyes of them xD

How it feels bitch?

Ironic how all my ex-gf's has found themselves half bald, mid twenties-to late twenties, guys with education and brain of a 5 year old, and all of them are complete BETA males. Laughing my ass off at that shit.

Ooh yeah, if you want a pefect guinea pig for experimenting, I suggest K.Raamets. She's so easy to manipulate and do every amazing thing you can think with you brain.

On a another notice, how do people tend to read my blogs when I don't post anything, and when I do, no-one reads. weird as fuck.

I have updated my haircut to close to this:

Summer

Hei ho its summer love.


I've been quite busy, been training myself with convict condition to master the one hand-stand push-up, as well as putting my guerilla cardio to its max limits. So far its been prooving the best combo for training. 6-pack has arrived on my body and the strength is raising with each day. 
 I also help a friend of mine to build his house, by destroying the old one down. The irony is, that dude is the boss of the company my ex's dad is working in Valga. Oh the joy lmfao.
 I can't believe the summer is passing by so fast, just few days ago I thought it was june, while in reality its july already. 26 days more for RHCP concert!!! Can't believe its so close, I'm getting anxious!!!

 Big news! I got into GAG aka Gustav Adolf Gymnasium, in tallinn. Big pluss in my life, since from over 120 candidates only 20 were taken. Beat that suckers.

 What is wrong with women? Why hunt me, asdf, I don't seem to understand. I hate being together with women, they are useless objects to me. Well obviously having some needs, but hell I don't need to be together with them to enjoy things in a bedroom.


 Lordi-Who's your daddy.

 Fracking amazing song, old but incredible.

Les Fleurs De Mal

I'm so into les fleurs de mal, also known as The flowers of evil. I just don't know what brings this old poetry to me, but it is kind of a home, if you understand me, probably not but still.
 The great man behind this awesome tale is Charles Baudelaire.

 A great piece of art in a song:

Sarah Brightman- Fleurs de mal(gothica version)


I found some job, I can do while still being a handicapped, nothing much, just a bit of help, however it can help me with 15 euros a day :)

If you don't run your own life, somebody else will.

So I finally came up with the perfect way to grow my self-esteem, and before I continue how, she who used to be my N1, it ain't thanks to you.
 Anywho, I started to give in some special tactics to my day, a secret at the moment, but I can give hint its life hacking literally.


So I went to local bike race few days ago, I finished 34th out of 68 racers. Pretty good, considering I didn't have a road bike, like over 40 people there. I had some pros and cons during the race, but the fact I finished it was pretty good. The distance was 17,5km and I finished it with 57 minutes, could have gone faster, but the bikes pedal started to make creepy noise and I slowed down. 

This is moi, in the finishing line. Overall, I'm happy with the result.


My terrarium is getting weird, already broke 3 of them, so the 4th has to succeed!




I don't give a shit what she might think about me stealing her idea about PL(playlist).

Here's what i'm listening to right now:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ulHlv659Jo

Flying away from the reality, whatever ever happened to gravity?

Summer!!
2nd best season ever. Of course when you don't get sun burnt like I did. Crappy UV-radiation. But at least, apart from the back, my body is pretty brown, half niggerish already. Women still tend to watch me, if I walk along the streets, fuking hate this shit. I'd rather shoot a bullet to those women's face than talk with them. All they look is my uhh middle area.
 I went to swimming yesterday, first time this year, was hard, since back started to give pain after swimmning, but dam it felt cold, the water, but in the same time, it felt amazing.
Going to start building a terrarium, smaller at first, then unto my own house I'll plan a gigantic terrarium with awesome shit.
"Why? Fuck you flowers, how does it feel to get kicked right in the face.jpg"

War ain't comparable to the madness and sadness behind love.

I actually got nothing to write in here other than I got electrified twice today while lawn mowing. Still shaken inside, probably my heart popped out of its spot, cause I don't feel nothing in my chest.
 I also saw something amazing in my dream. I actually don't hate people, I just hate myself if I have to communicate with them. Feels actually good not to speak with anyone, just listening to my songs and watching the sky.

 I love rain, love running in rain, love everything about rain, yet I cannot see it as much as I would want to.

Standing in the darkness

Its been a while since last post, been busy with refreshing my current life. After starting over people have gone from my life like butterflies and nothing brings them back, its sad, if not worse.
 I'm going nuts, probably already am, but things just blow into pieces.
I...Well lets face it my problems are my problems and they will never be anyone else's. I dunno what to do with my life besides trying to find my happiness? There is nothing in this world that makes me happy, I might laugh, make jokes(hardly) but inside I'm burning and tired of everyone and everything. I also realized what do I have, MDD a.k.a Major depressive disorder.
 Welcome to my life.

 Other than that, there is one thing more of which I'm certain. I know what I am, and everyone else can just fuck themselves.

Wings of tomorrow

I want to have wings of tomorrow, so I could fly up to the sky and see the amazing orange sun setting down. I took the picture behind my house near our pond and it was lovely evening when I walked outside yesterday.
I saw a dream the today, while napping during the day. It was beautiful, cause I was a swallow and flew above everyone I knew, without them knowing it. For once in those 12 minutes of dreaming I was free, free from everything and everyone, and for the first time I saw the sunset from 900m above the sea level,nothing can beat that feeling.

 I finished off my strawberry spring cleaning.

 Before

After                                            

My small project is also coming to life and it improves with every day.

 I finally realized one thing that can be done and I did it.

We always have the will to go on.Blood brothers in to the bone

Old tires, used palettes, a mind full of ideas.

Summer is closing in with each day, LOVE it! This brings so much joy and makes me smile. I have so much to do, in the garden, in the beach, making new home-made furniture, etc.

 I'm also collecting hundreds of motivational wallpapers, including exercise and other awesome subjects. I've found also one of the most epic wallpapers I've seen.

This picture> low life nigga jews.

I'm studying for the tests for Gustav Adolf Gümnaasium. The tests are held on 18th of June, and frankly 90% of the studied material I learnt years ago, have vanished from my brain haha.

Peace out.

Sometimes we have to lay down for a minute and take a deep breath

So I came back, not giving a single fuck what other tell me that my blogging sucks. I'm having some fun here and there, and I'm takin care of my back, that got injured.

Cheers.

It's been a while since I last posted, but then again its because I'm in the army, somewhat.
Army, so how's it been for me, rather boring cause out of those two and half month I was in hospitals for 2 months, due to lower back injury and right leg. I ain't going to explain more than say that I have a disease called spondylosis.
I had a vacation during x-mas and I enjoyed it. 85% of the time I was in my laptop and updated my playlist, from 152 to 400+ on my cell phone.(thanks to one person)
On the other hand, one the 2nd day of my vacation I saw my ex, Karin, and it was somewhat disappointing, because since I still love her, and her hate for me, as she claims, she made out of with me? Like uhm? Why? The question remains.
I have a fantastic idea for my stereo system, a designer called Oskar daniel made speakers called Hive Module. Pic->
http://www.techau.tv/blog/hive-modular-speaker-system/




OMG OMG OMG SOOOOO cool!!!


From tomorrow morning I will go back to rehab in army and in few days I will return to Seli rehab center.
I once remembered how I used to listen to rock&roll, but changed myself to pop/hip-hop, HOWEVER, REV THEORY FTW!!!!


"Rev Theory- Hell yeah"


Bai <3

Anger is one letter short of danger

So where to start this quite awkward weekend of mine? First of all, I'm really pissed of at certain person, and she bloody hell knows why. But before we move on to why and what has happened, I would love to mention to people that there's a new way for everyone to read this blog. Since I got flamed at, by doing the same things she does, then I shall turn the tables around. It took me all night, but I figured what I can do to make it different from all the other people, who blog. Whenever I shall writing a paragraph about something, I will give you a song you could listen to, to understand me closely, as to the following, lets start. 
P.S Who doesn't listen the songs, are haters! 

 Chapter 1. Darude-Buring

The reasons why I chose this song, is simple, I'm burning inside out right now. I discovered what was done with one of my accounts in a social site, when I gave my trust to her. Imagine the furious in my words, and the anger, the feelings that was deprived inside my soul, they were unleashed. How could someone so dear to me, someone I had my complete trust in, do this awful thing? What was her reason, did she hate me for that? Did she deleted all those of my memories, just to get back at me? Whatever the reasons were, my total trust to her right now, have vanished. And once they are gone, they cannot be reclaimed back, without nearly impossible actions. 

 Chapter 2.  Avenged Sevenfold - Blinded In Chains.


 The really annoying part of my life is, I'm chained and I'm blinded by her. Everything she does, has a big affect on me, everything she says, can make me happy or turn the tide and let me fall into deep depression. Is this a obsession? If so, how can I get out of this shit hole and release myself from my chains? If this is my subconsciousness talking, screw this shit, I wanna break free!


 Chapter 3.  Simple Plan- Shut Up


 Why won't people just shut up? I mean seriously, it is starting to get on my nerves when people start talking with senseless crap, haven't got any idea what is going on, or just try to lie to one another with talks like : " I care about you". Maybe I'm not the perfect guy, but everyone has mistakes. Why don't you just shut your mouth and let me help myself? I know I'm the one everyone loves to hate, but I need someone in my life who knows who I truly am and understands me. Although that person found, she hates me in her own way. 


 Chapter 4. Pitbull feat. Marc Anthony- Rain Over Me

 Girl my body and my mind don't lie! Everything suits perfectly for me when I want to, but when I fail at one thing, everything falls apart. Why? I'm a clumsy freak faggot, told by her, many times, over the past years. After all she has told me, wishing how I never would be in her life, maybe those days are coming. Maybe her 2009 wish will come true and she looses me. What will happen to her and me? I'm already broken and empty from heart, but I cannot tell what goes around in her body and mind.


Chapter 5. Status Quo feat. Scooter- Jump That Rock


 Now lets jump this rock! I wanna build the perfect life for me, and the perfect life consists of 3 things : Her, our success and dreams come true. How to jump into that life? Freaky, but the opportunities are limited and hopeless, but one cannot stop dreaming right? Without dreams we are nothing, without dreams we cannot predict our future. Time to get jiggy with it and move my life on! Forget her? Never, impossible. Be with her? Impossible, but never say never. Make her happy? One can only dream of it, but I cannot give her the happiness she wants, then its nothing between us, but 2 eyes on either end. 


 The conclusion to all this. I sincerely hope everyone respects to my new rules and follow them. I also hope to start a lottery between me and my readers. But the lottery will start next summer, because its time to hit the army. Army, where the boys will loose their body hair and turn into men, a place where you cannot get laid for months and you will start to see 50 year old kitchen women a nice appetizer, a place to grow up and build your own perspective of life.

 Adios.

Timeless moments

"The most important thing is to be whatever you are,without shame"

Fantastic words told by Rod Steiger. You cannot exist in your life, nor can you enjoy it if you feel ashamed of yourself. A personal hint to someone dear of mine.

I'm trying to enjoy my last month by doing the stuff I like:) Freedom before pain :) I'm actually getting more anxious day by day, in the hopes of what awesome techniques I shall learn/obtain and how much pain I shall feel with my body. 
 On the other hand, thanks to the time I spent working in the car wash, I've learned enough stuff and got myself some pretty awesome ideas, of what to plan for the time after army. 
 Yesterday I felt like I was one of the dumbest shitheads in the world. While we was talking and walking along the streets with Karin, while she hummed few really famous artists melodies/symphonies. Seriously I felt like I... well enough of that. I suppose that's what inspired me to take up some books and started learning from my free will?! (Weird and freaky I know) So by the first thing I took clear of was destroying some ideas in my mind, that kinda stopped me from wanting to learn, and it worked(I feel weird though)
 Back to the business, I've finished my Clicbank 1200 paged guide and my head spins like a charm with all the new knowledge, but it was well worth it, cause it gave me pretty nasty but working ideas how to promote some products without even doing anything.
 Anyhow, I need to fix my guitar, the last string ain't doing what it should be doing asdf. I want to learn to play some nice songs, so I can move to another instrument, my long lasting love, Piano.
 I also discovered a certain fact, pretty nasty one, then it hit me, I had done it myself. It's time to quit that nasty habit(its not lieing, I'm done with that shit long time ago) and fix this shit, and it can take months, but then again 8 months in army, can change the problem and finally work as it should.

I so love this picture!!!!




Sum 41- Makes No Difference.

Old, but bloody hell good song :)

 

Things do not happen. Things are made to happen

A quote from a famous person, who's name I don't remember, but it is said very well. The actual point is pretty awesome, since most things just don't happen, its bound to lead from one action to another. But what amazes me most, each negative effect in my life, can lead to several positive effects.


"Why kiss your girlfriend when you can send her an online reminder that you love her. Wait....what?"
 Like omg, that's probably the best sentence I've ever heard, it cracked my balls enough to laugh my stomach into hurting pile of snow. Seriously who would be dumb enough to do such thing? Literally it has to be the most idiotic thing ever.
 I got a compliment about my arms, as they've started to look like a arm not a piece of bone. So this has to mean my own made exercise is working pretty well :) (wiii)  I've also started to give a heavy training to my shoulders and lower back, so I could recover my kyphosis.
 One month to go before hitting to the army!! Oh hell no!!! I somewhat dislike going there, but a part of me still likes to go there. Now I'm confused. 8 months of hardcore training, can be quite good to be honest!

 This picture was taken today morning, 1st of september and I decided to wear some descent clothes and send her to school as her personal body guard :)


 Disturbed-Stricken. pretty awesome song, strongly recommend it!

Beyond Your Musical Limits

What is it what I mean with my headline? How is it that people often tend to only listen to certain music? Are they getting their musical satisfaction with it? It can be, but as it goes for myself, I tend to listen to all sorts of music, from rock to club music, as I find my own musical limits from each genre. 
 On other subjects. She has officially announced that she will throw me out of her life for good, and she also admitted she never felt anything for me, due to reasons of her having no feelings anymore at all.

 I also started drawing, and for my 1st sessions of drawing will be wolves, don't ask me why, but drawing animals seems far more easier than drawing humans. The picture above this text is the first picture I drew.
 Having a guitar is awesome, though I don't have any skill yet, I'm improving a lot, I decided to give it a try and play a song "Ilus Hetk" by Jaan Tätte. First 5 notes went right, then I messed up, but its still a step for me don't you think?


 Interesting fact, that sad people are claimed to have more accurate memories. So if I decide to be a sad man, I have more accurate memories and better memorizing? Interesting.....
  
 Nightwish- End of Hope


 This song is perfect, since all of my hopes ended 2 days ago. I love the song!

The truth

Lets face it, I have to accept it, no matter what the end results are. Probably the most terrifying idea of all is that I should loose all the contacts with her, to make her, how to say, more human maybe? I suppose I was the true reason behind what ruined both mine and her lives. Looks like it.
 It took her 4 years to feel pity for me, 4 hours to be in love with me, 4 minutes to be happy, 4 seconds to loose all those feelings.So what are the true feelings behind us two? My feelings are astonishing, because I can't stop thinking about her no matter what I do, whereever I am or if I'm dead or alive. The worst part is my heart is broken by her, it flew to billions of pieces, it burnt my inside feelings from slim to none however all those feelings put together, I still can proudly and loudly say "I do love Karin" to anyone who asks from me. I have seen thousands of girls when I was visiting Helsinki and Tallinn. Sure 1/3 of them looked like models with big boobs and a face of a beauty queen, yet the amazing thing is I looked at them, talked with few of them, but my heart isn't working at all, it felt nothing.The very same effect is with earthquakes, they come out once every decades or so, yet when  they do, they make incredible damage to everyone around it. My heart is simply like that, its quiet for decades, then she opened my heart, my mind, my soul, my everything, and then she took the liberty of putting a bullet in it. I've stayed silent for long time, specially from the inside feelings, but not anymore. What gives the right for people to hurt each other? What gives us the reason to love someone? Why do we love people around us? Is it because we have feelings? How come I don't want to feel that feeling????? What sort of monster am I? My mind is destroying me, my  body is shutting down, does this mean I am off to a start of dieing? Step by step, I've lost it all. 


 How can I turn it upside down? Maybe taking a gun into my hands, pointing it at a direction of my head, and pull the trigger? No, that will not do the trick, I'm not useful as dead, but as alive I'm not useful anyhow. If there is someone in this life who turned my life around its Karin. I had been a total waste before I knew her, and all those 3 years I did knew her, all those times she flamed and blamed me at everything, it just tore me apart but somehow she also took the liberty of putting me back together. She is the only one who can kill me and revive.
 What are the feelings you get when your in love? Think about it and it will show you the true person who you are in love with. 
Violin Hip Hop - Broken Sorrow


Laterz and thanks for reading(like someone actually does read it)

Rain Over Me

A few days ago I got a question from my ex: "Why don't you blog anymore?" Of course I don't blog each day, if I sleep all day long, why would I have to blog about it? On the other hand if something funny, amazing or interesting has happened, then let the writing begin.
 A lot has happened since I last wrote here. For instance, Karin was dumped by "Him"(The guy she loves more than world) Now the reasons for that particular event are known for me,but everyone else should not know about it.
 I actually wanted to skip my drivers licence school, but I took my strength back and went for it, and I passed it. Now its time to wait for ARK, if I pass their exams as well, I will get my licence before army and I already know what car I want to buy, will be cost effective, but for start I'm actually looking for some old-school car, like a 1998 Mondeo or something.
 Ford Mondeo
That's the car I will buy for now :)

 I finally took my knowledge and made myself a perfect exercise schedule for morning and evening. I <3 Askmen for providing me with a spectacular information! My body is actually improving a lot, specially my arms :)

Six Sixes?So what is it, a system invented by women on how to check if a guy is worthy to date? Interesting, quite a interesting factor indeed. As i read it through really carefully, I discovered I have 1 points out of 6, so there are still a lot of improvement to be done. Only few people know what is it I am qualified for.


 When Dash Berlin came out with his new album "United Destination" there was this incredible sentence that got into my heart: "Music is unifying factor: An language unspoken to all" Now tell me that this ain't so true, cause it is!!!

 I've started to learn Spanish, well moving on with it, and trying to learn it fully with in a year. No es esto tan genial? :D

 My new PUMA shoes are reaching Tallinn today, so only few more days to get them, I'm so dam anxious already!!!


 Quote of the day : "A man is a summons and challenge"
  This suits perfectly for Karin, if she understands what I mean with it.

Question of the day: " Why does everything seems so painful when a simple word or face expression can change it 180 degrees?"


 People who have lost their love of their life, can only feel it, and I know 3 people that have that experience. 


Pitbull-Rain over me



P.S To Karin- I will never quit of something I've started!

New style new life!

I got a new day with tons of new stuff. For example, I started to change my clothing style. Right now, I'm collecting new clothes, as we speak, and I've made a nice outfit for me,from PUMA to Tom Tailor :)

 I got some nice and bad news as well what has happened today. Well, for instance, I met Karin, after 3 weeks of not seeing, and it felt bloody great, because each time I see her I get a smile upon my face. And today was no different from all the other days. So what did we do today? Well it varies from drinking cofffee to listening to music. We talked a lot of what has happened, recent events, etc. I wish there would have been more time though, because there was so much I wanted to talk with her. I admit, I had a weak spot, and I cried for a minute, because it still hurts me to have her by my side, and in the same not have, if you understand what I mean. 

 My ring arrived!!! I am so happy!!! It suits to my finger as melted only for mine.Once my shoes and other parts of my new outfit arrives, I will make a picture of myself, to let you guys see my new style :) I hope everyone loves it, as do I!

 I really hope friday will have a sunny day, because I really want to go to Kaagjärve and swim in the lake! Otherwize I gotta modify my plans, which I hate to do to be honest.

 Qoute of the day : "The measure of a man's real character is what he would do if he knew he would never be found out" 

 That is a interesting quote,yet surprisingly akward in the same time. If you can't figure out how that sounds weird, you need some english lessons =)

PH Electro- San Fransisco

 Question of the day : " What happens after today?"

 I cannot tell that because I honestly have no glue whatsoever myself. Maybe time will tell, maybe not. Just wait and see, but all I can say, for those 1,5 hours we talked with Karin, it was a morning I will never forget, even if I had a small breakdown!

See you tomorrow =)