It hurts me as much as anyone else, seeing the girl you love your whole life, who's your reason for life, after everything your trying, it just hurts like a hurricane. What is the reason behind my fears, she will go to another guy? Past experiences, really bad ones, and the reason why I fear it the most is, I love Karin more than my own life, I would die for her, if needed, I want to make her happy from every bit of my soul and body, but its hard, so hard when I've had those problems.
I once loved a girl, 3 of them, the reason why I fell in love with them, is insignificant, but however what happened to me while being in relationship with them, that was one of the most fearful thing. One the first occasion, it was so called "perfect". We were both happy, but as the time went forward, our happiness suddenly collapsed, to put this way. Why? She loved greece, and she went there every time she had the chance. At first it was ok,yet we know, everyone of us likes to party,so did she. She partied there every time she went there. But what I didn't know was that, she also had an affair there, with a local guy. It lasted for months until it came open. I was staying at her place, when she received a package from the guy. The package consisted of his sweaty T-shirt, and a letter, describing their best sex experience under the sunrise in the beach.What also happened, I nearly killed myself, because my blood pressure went sky high. How I felt? Well you can only imagine that, it made my heart upside down, non functional....w/e more. When I asked from her why? She said, I was too far away from her. I mean what the heck? I was only 300km from her,visiting her every weekend, and the guy she got affair with was 2000km away from her, seeing each other once every 2months.I got furious, ran off, and walked 95km from Tuusula to Helsinki, non stop.
As the story goes on, the other 2 girls did the same to me, not with foreign guys though, so imagine me getting hurt 3 times in row, in past 3 years. That is a shock to my heart, to my brain and this grew my fears all over everything. I have to get myself through all this, but now that I've really found Karin, and love her in a way noone else could, and when I saw her with another guy, laughing together, driving away together, you can imagine how all of the old memories popped out of my mind, and I was really seeing in reality that its happening again. All that pain, stress, crying, all of that is starting all over again. :'(
Long story, a sad one, but as you read this, you know what really has happened to me in past 3 years.
I once loved a girl, 3 of them, the reason why I fell in love with them, is insignificant, but however what happened to me while being in relationship with them, that was one of the most fearful thing. One the first occasion, it was so called "perfect". We were both happy, but as the time went forward, our happiness suddenly collapsed, to put this way. Why? She loved greece, and she went there every time she had the chance. At first it was ok,yet we know, everyone of us likes to party,so did she. She partied there every time she went there. But what I didn't know was that, she also had an affair there, with a local guy. It lasted for months until it came open. I was staying at her place, when she received a package from the guy. The package consisted of his sweaty T-shirt, and a letter, describing their best sex experience under the sunrise in the beach.What also happened, I nearly killed myself, because my blood pressure went sky high. How I felt? Well you can only imagine that, it made my heart upside down, non functional....w/e more. When I asked from her why? She said, I was too far away from her. I mean what the heck? I was only 300km from her,visiting her every weekend, and the guy she got affair with was 2000km away from her, seeing each other once every 2months.I got furious, ran off, and walked 95km from Tuusula to Helsinki, non stop.
As the story goes on, the other 2 girls did the same to me, not with foreign guys though, so imagine me getting hurt 3 times in row, in past 3 years. That is a shock to my heart, to my brain and this grew my fears all over everything. I have to get myself through all this, but now that I've really found Karin, and love her in a way noone else could, and when I saw her with another guy, laughing together, driving away together, you can imagine how all of the old memories popped out of my mind, and I was really seeing in reality that its happening again. All that pain, stress, crying, all of that is starting all over again. :'(
Long story, a sad one, but as you read this, you know what really has happened to me in past 3 years.
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