Beyond Your Musical Limits

What is it what I mean with my headline? How is it that people often tend to only listen to certain music? Are they getting their musical satisfaction with it? It can be, but as it goes for myself, I tend to listen to all sorts of music, from rock to club music, as I find my own musical limits from each genre. 
 On other subjects. She has officially announced that she will throw me out of her life for good, and she also admitted she never felt anything for me, due to reasons of her having no feelings anymore at all.

 I also started drawing, and for my 1st sessions of drawing will be wolves, don't ask me why, but drawing animals seems far more easier than drawing humans. The picture above this text is the first picture I drew.
 Having a guitar is awesome, though I don't have any skill yet, I'm improving a lot, I decided to give it a try and play a song "Ilus Hetk" by Jaan Tätte. First 5 notes went right, then I messed up, but its still a step for me don't you think?


 Interesting fact, that sad people are claimed to have more accurate memories. So if I decide to be a sad man, I have more accurate memories and better memorizing? Interesting.....
  
 Nightwish- End of Hope


 This song is perfect, since all of my hopes ended 2 days ago. I love the song!

The truth

Lets face it, I have to accept it, no matter what the end results are. Probably the most terrifying idea of all is that I should loose all the contacts with her, to make her, how to say, more human maybe? I suppose I was the true reason behind what ruined both mine and her lives. Looks like it.
 It took her 4 years to feel pity for me, 4 hours to be in love with me, 4 minutes to be happy, 4 seconds to loose all those feelings.So what are the true feelings behind us two? My feelings are astonishing, because I can't stop thinking about her no matter what I do, whereever I am or if I'm dead or alive. The worst part is my heart is broken by her, it flew to billions of pieces, it burnt my inside feelings from slim to none however all those feelings put together, I still can proudly and loudly say "I do love Karin" to anyone who asks from me. I have seen thousands of girls when I was visiting Helsinki and Tallinn. Sure 1/3 of them looked like models with big boobs and a face of a beauty queen, yet the amazing thing is I looked at them, talked with few of them, but my heart isn't working at all, it felt nothing.The very same effect is with earthquakes, they come out once every decades or so, yet when  they do, they make incredible damage to everyone around it. My heart is simply like that, its quiet for decades, then she opened my heart, my mind, my soul, my everything, and then she took the liberty of putting a bullet in it. I've stayed silent for long time, specially from the inside feelings, but not anymore. What gives the right for people to hurt each other? What gives us the reason to love someone? Why do we love people around us? Is it because we have feelings? How come I don't want to feel that feeling????? What sort of monster am I? My mind is destroying me, my  body is shutting down, does this mean I am off to a start of dieing? Step by step, I've lost it all. 


 How can I turn it upside down? Maybe taking a gun into my hands, pointing it at a direction of my head, and pull the trigger? No, that will not do the trick, I'm not useful as dead, but as alive I'm not useful anyhow. If there is someone in this life who turned my life around its Karin. I had been a total waste before I knew her, and all those 3 years I did knew her, all those times she flamed and blamed me at everything, it just tore me apart but somehow she also took the liberty of putting me back together. She is the only one who can kill me and revive.
 What are the feelings you get when your in love? Think about it and it will show you the true person who you are in love with. 
Violin Hip Hop - Broken Sorrow


Laterz and thanks for reading(like someone actually does read it)